Stefan’s Diaries: The Craving Chapter 24

November 13, 1864I am cursed. It is obvious now. Maybe thats what being a vampire means. Maybe calamity and evil come with the hunger and the fangs it isnt at any rate having to live off human blood. It is the unending aloneness, being cut off from real life and from real relationships. last depart always be there to separate me from those I loved.There is a scroll of names in my head, and the list kept getting thirster e actually day. Rosalyn was the first to die because of me. Katherine couldnt stand that I was engaged, so she killed the girl. Even Katherines blood was on my hands. Though she came into my and my brothers lives and turned them up expression d admit. She died as a take of my actions. I should never have tried to reason with my father, never tried to convince him of a different viewpoint. As soon as he confided in me active the vampire hunt, I should have done everything I could to get Katherine out of t deliver.Pearl. She, as well, could have escaped. I dont survive exactly what her story was, but she seemed utter around more peaceable than Katherine.Alice the turn backmaid.All the humans I fed on in New siege of Orleans. Too many to name, even if I had bothered attainment their names. They were righteous unlucky folk who accidentally crossed my path when I was hungry or needed aboutthing.Callie. She died because I was stupid enough to think that she would be rewarded for helping out two vampires.The Sutherlands.Bridget, Lydia, Mrs. Sutherland, and Winfield. A normal family who just happened to catch the attention of one insane, vengeful vampire.And now Lexi. Lexi should have hindranceed in New Orleans in her hostel for the undead, safe in her own world where she could continue her own version of doing good.She will be the next to die unless I get a line out how to save her.I have spent too a good deal time in New York bemoaning my fate, moping, feeling cursed. By standing idly by, by complaining, I am letting evil occur all aro und me. Now is the time for action, for justice. I must channel my loneliness and despair into rage. I must stop being a coward, as Ive always been, in both life, when I let my father bully me into a marriage I didnt want, and in death, when Ive allowed Damon to torture me and kill the people I love.Never again will I let others bend me to their will. From now on I will fight.And I will free Lexi, if it is the last thing I do.I crumpled the piece of paper in my fist, growling with anger. How had he taken her? I hadnt heard a thing, even with my vampire senses. The servants, a couple of mice and rats in the walls, but nothing else. The vampire Lucius had come in complete silence and managed to trance or disable Lexi before she was able to cry out. What speed, what exponent this beast must have hardly for all of the vampires ancientness, for all that he was a immediately descendant from Hell, for all of the monster he was, he had, with that single piece of paper, revealed one ver y human weakness about himself. He had a very petty need to gloat. If Damon were in his family, I would have come downstairs and seen Lexi dead on the floor. further the beast wanted me to know that everyone around me was in danger, to scare me before he killed me.Now there was only one thing on my mind. If Lexi was still vivacious, it was my duty to go after her and save her. And if she wasnt alive it was my right and pleasure to kill Klauss foot soldier. This I swore.What was it he had said in the prison? An eye for an eye. He took something valuable from me and Damon, our wives and their family, because we had taken Katherine from him. But the Sutherlands were human, of no importance and very easily disposed of. His beloved Katherine died in a church fire.What ifThe words struggled to the sur formulation of my brain.What if he planned on killing Lexi the corresponding way?Suddenly I felt like I had a chance again. But which church? There had to be hundreds in the city.I ran outside. The olfactory perception of decay hung heavy in the air, as though Lucius had unwittingly laid a path for me. I followed it south, feeling as though I were gaining expertness with each step that brought me closer to where Lexi might be and who I should be. I had tried to stay away from humans, and that hadnt worked. I had tried living with them, with disastrous results. But I had never tried a more moderate path. I would never be human, but I could help them, as Id helped Bridget that night in the park. I could never live among humans, but I could find companionship among humans like Mrs. Sutherland and vampires like Lexi. Those ties would tether me to this world and keep me honest.I ran one-time(prenominal) a brick town house and grabbed a pigeon in midflight from the air, tearing into its neck for extra fuel. The stench was stronger now, and I saw an Irish Catholic church just two streets away. I knew people had actually been worried about this particular structure be ing torched, as had been done to others during the religious riots in Pennsylvania. But the beam was quiet, with several old women sitting in the front pews, and oddly, the hoist of decay that had permeated the air outside so strongly had evaporated. There was no odor of anything besides candles and incense burning at the altar.I slunk into a back pew and regarded the rose oculus window. The scene depicted a grieving Mother bloody shame in lapis lazuli blue as the sun, a bloody garnet, rose behind her. I closed my eyes and thought, hard. Why had Lucius thrown me off his scent? Was I wrong to assume that he wanted to bait me, so I could arrive at the correct church just as he put the match to the powder keg? What church would he choose and why?Then it hit me I was being stupid. The vampire had done due diligence and found out exactly where my brides family lived he wouldnt have just chosen a random church to burn down. He would have picked the chapel in which I was married.I kne w the truth of this deep in my bones. But just as surely I knew that I couldnt go after him by myself. And there was only one person who was capable of helping me.Damon.Damon, who had trapped me into the stupid marriage that got the Sutherlands all killed. Damon, who had killed Callie. Damon, who swore to make my life a living pit for all eternity. But in the end I needed him. I had seen him control his powers in ways I could not. And I would need all the Power I could get on my side if I was to find a way to defeat an old one. Lexi had rescued us from prison, and surely even individual as debased and fallen as Damon would recognize that we owed her.The only problem was finding him.And now, I think Im ready for a drink was what he had said. For most vampires that only meant one thing. For my brother, well, he could easily have meant hitting the bottle as well as draining a person or two. But where?In the weeks between following me to New York and finding me at the Chesters ball, h e had, as Lexi said, been sweeping the New York society scene as an Italian count. He had probably talked or compelled his way into any number of private clubs or restaurants. I wracked my brains, trying to remember the prattle Bridget had bored me with, about who was seen where with whom, and where was the latest place to go, and how there was an oyster bar serving genuine Pimms Cup, just like in England. For lack of any better idea, I went there first.It was a loving place in an otherwise unwholesome area at the southern seaport. Uncertain-looking sailors wandered from pool of streetlight to pool of streetlight, gathering in twos and threes to quietly discuss the seedier side of import and export, laugh loudly, and sing old drinking songs. Among all of this rotting seaweed, though, fancy livery and decorated carriages were parked society men lured by the oysters, Pimms Cups, and the sober aspect of the place.Inside there were quite a few of the young men I had seen at the Ches ters ball, as well as at my own wedding. Even Bram was there, but he was keeping to himself and looked ill. His face was ashen and his eyes sunken, and he wore black ribbons around his sleeves for mourning. His drink was untouched and he just stared woefully out the windows at the river.I turned my back to him, not wanting him to call out that a murderer as he no incertitude thought I was was in their midst.I beckoned for the stewardess to come over. Has D uh, the Count DeSangue been by here tonight? I asked.The girl looked me up and down, face flushing with excitement. With him accused of murder and this being his favorite place and me being his favorite girl, what on earth would make me tell you something like that?I could see by the thick scarf she wore around her neck that she wasnt just warding off the cold night air this had definitely been one of Damons haunts.I started to reach into my pocket for demoralize money. She saw where I was outlet and shook her head. Not on your life, love. Not for Damon.You have no idea who he is, or what youre getting involved in, I growled, grabbing her wrist. Her face fell and she tried to struggle out of my grasp. Listen to me. Im Stefan Salvatore the other man accused of murdering the Sutherlands. Neither one of us did it, all right? Were both on the run from the police. Now tell me where he is.I didnt compel her. I didnt exactly threaten her. But she nodded mutely and I relaxed my grip.I dont know, she said, clash her wrist. I know he liked a drink at some of those fancy uptown places like the Skinny Black Cat and Xerxes Repose. He even had his own table at the Twenty-Two Club.At that moment a waitress came out. Are you talking about the count? she asked, an excited grin spreading across her face.I sighed. Yes.Well, he once took me to Strange Fruit just a few blocks down.He took you on a date? the hostess said, envy apparent in her voice. The waitress nodded proudly.Thank you, I said, meaning it. Lexi or Dam on would have compelled the women to forget me at that point. I sighed, thinking about how much easier life would be if my Powers were stronger and my will weaker.I checked Winfields pocket watch. It was five A.M. an hour had passed since Lexi and I had first entered the mansion. Time was ticking by far too quickly for my liking, and every minute seemed to seal Lexis fate more completely.Seconds later I was standing inside the door of Strange Fruit, a large, low, dark bar with giant wooden fans slowly turning overhead. The sailors who couldnt get into the oyster bar were there, along with every type of shady personality, lost soul, and criminal genius that managed to stay just this side of the law.Damon sat at a small rickety table by himself in just his shirtsleeves, a half-empty bottle of bourbon before him. treat your wounds? I asked, walking over. He didnt even bother looking surprised.A minor setback, brother. Dont forget I have those dowry checks. As soon as things quiet down a bit I, and they, are out of this town.Doubtful any bank would cash a check for a suspected murderer.You genuinely need to stop thinking like a human and start thinking like a vampire. There is no bank teller I cant compel.He stretched languorously and poured some drink into his glass. Then he offered the glass to me, and chugged a big swallow directly from the bottle.I need your help, I said, energy the glass away. I handed him the piece of paper and filled him in on what had happened.He squinted his eyes as he read it. So?I looked at him, gape-mouthed.He has Lexi, I repeated. Then, afraid he was too drunk to understand what that meant, I pointed out the obvious. We have to save herMm. He thought about it for a moment. Nope.He made a big show of slowly kicking his legs back up onto the table, as if he had been in the midst of an Copernican activity when I had interrupted him.What is wrong with you? I demanded. You saw him hell destroy herSo what? Damon asked. It was her choice to come to New York. No one asked her to come up here.She got us out of prison We, excuse me, I was doing, just fine in that department. You forget. We could have gotten out on our own. We didnt need her for that. She was meddling. If further meddling got her captured, well, thats her own damn fault.The anger that had ignited in me upon finding the note from the beast was now stoked into a rage that almost had me turning into full vampire mode. For just a moment, I didnt care who saw me.You, I said, trying to calm down, trying to put the blackness I felt into words. Damon sat up and looked me in the eye almost eagerly, waiting for the fight.You are you are I spat.I am what you made me, Damon said dully, lifting his glass as though to toast me.I grabbed his shoulders. No. You dont have to be a heartless killer. Even Katherine wasnt that.Damons eyes flashed. Dont speak to me about who Katherine was I knew her better than you did.I shook my head. Even you know thats not true. You lov ed her more, but I knew her just as well. All Katherine wanted was for the three of us to be together forever. She would not have wanted us to be at odds, fighting. She would not have wanted this.The surprise and anger on his face at what Id said was almost worth it. Almost. Im going to save Lexi. Or die trying. And if by some miracle I dont die I never want to see you again.And before he could prepare some witty comeback or some threat, I banged my way out into the night, leaving my brother behind forever.